Mon. January 7

Had quite an interesting turn of events today... in a good way.

Thanks to a decent night's sleep and a gentle laxative, I re-lost those couple pounds and an additional one. After which, I had breakfast and started cleaning my room for a bit before having to head off to work. But I got a call (that I'd been semi expecting/hoping for) saying that my work was gonna be closed today and I could have the day off.

After dancing around my room, I quickly got my gym stuff together and headed off to the gym, hoping I could get in there before the after work rush. I wore my heart rate monitor on the walk there and it said I burned 216 cals in the 21 min walk. Part of me thought it was great cuz the number was so high, but I knew it was just cuz my heart hadn't had to deal with any strenuous activity in a while.
At the gym, I did my usual circuit and it only took me 1h23m to get to 1000 cals instead of the usual 1h30m+ (by the end, I'd burned 1036 in 1h27m). On the way home, I apparently burned another 209 too.

Once home, I showered, had a little snack (no binge-ing or cheating) and got back to cleaning my room. I got like 98% of everything picked up and put away and my room looks way better now. :) Afterward, I made a quick trip to WalMart then out to dinner with a friend. We went to Montana's and I was determined to have the pot roast soup cuz it's only 90 cals. However, they were out of it and the chicken soup (a good back up) looked questionable, so I just had a side caesar with chicken and a chicken quesadilla. Not entirely sure on the calorie content of those, but I could've done much worse.

Not entirely sure what I'm gonna do for meals tomorrow, but I have a lot of yogurt to get through, so maybe I'll have a couple tubs of that. lol

PS - I made peppermint tea today, but with cold water. It was ok-ish. I might try to do this every other day or so just to get used to it.


This is me as of this morning. Was trying on a bikini for Cuba, just to see how bad it would look. Next thing I know, I took these pix and decided to post them. After seeing the larger versions on my laptop, I was kinda re-thinking the whole thing, but then thought "whatever, fuck it, might as well be honest." 

Sun. January 6

I haven't been doing too bad, but I know I could be doing better.

So, nearly a week into 2013 and I haven't been to the gym yet. I have some decent time off this week, so I'll try to hit it up as much as I can. But anyway, I weighed myself the morning following my 4lb loss and was up 2, but I tried to reassure myself that it was just a temporary gain and it's only about the inches and blah blah blah. Fun fact: I call my scale the "Bad News Box". lol. Moving on...

Today, I was ready to be good. I had healthy snacks that I'd brought to my friend's place, I knew we'd be going to Boston Pizza for lunch (even though it would technically be my breakfast... at 1pm) and I'd do salad and then I'd have a low cal soup and some chicken at Kelsey's for dinner. Well, the snacks didn't get touched, but that's ok. I did have a salad at BP, but I went to Timmy's afterward and got a triple chocolate muffin, 2 chocolate chunk cookies and a yogurt. I waited for at least 2.5 hours after my first meal to have the yogurt muffin though. Then waited a few more hours and went to Kelsey's for dinner. I had the cream of broc soup (200 cals) and I was kinda considering also having their soup of the day (since there's 2 others I like that are 90 and 110 cals), but it was tomato bisque and I don't like that, so I just got chicken fingers... instead of the grilled chicken I should've gotten. *face palm* I didn't have a starter, but my friend and I did dessert. So, ya, I had the best intentions but it was not an ideal day. I can only strive to do better tomorrow and hope for a decent weigh in cuz time is now really of the essence...

It has basically been decided that some friends and I will be leaving for Cuba on either Feb 14 or 15. That was kind of the assumption I was harboring under, but to have an almost set in stone date is really gonna help. It's "go time" and this weight needs to get gone. lol. Gotta eat clean and consistently and really push it in the gym. I would use my treadmill at home, but there's so much junk and clutter piled around it, it's kinda ridiculous. There's been talk of moving it to my room, which would be nice, but I'm not sure how loud and shaky it would be for both the whole house and the neighbours.

So, ya, hopefully I'll have some decent progress to share in a couple days. I feel good about things this time 'round. :)

You go, girl. So inspirational.

Fri. January 4

So, this has been my year so far...

Jan 1
Was gonna be good and start fresh and all that good stuff, but do to "reasons", I ended up having only 2 meals and both of them were pizza.

Jan 2
Had oatmeal for breakfast and was gonna go to the gym, but then I got busy with my nephew and found out my dad had the day off. So, I was gonna ask him to help me run a couple errands, but we decided to go out to Mandarin for dinner "as a family" (minus my sister though). I coulda gone to the gym afterward, but I was pretty tired. So, I just popped in to WalMart to pick up some healthy food. I ended up leaving with a bunch of stuff, including an 8lb bag of oranges, some pork chops and eight 650mL tubs of yogurt. lol

Jan 3
Didn't make it to the gym again, but I ate good meals properly spaced apart throughout the day. I did kinda munch on some stuff I shouldn't have had after work, but I'm gonna work on this and just have fruit or low cal jello in the future.

That brings me to today and when I weighed myself this morning, I was down 4lbs. I had kinda figured I would maybe be down like a pound, but 4 is great. However, I can't get too happy about it since it's 4lbs I had gained back and had to re-lose. But at least it's a step in the right direction. Just gonna be good again today and hope for another couple pounds. Maybe I'll have an only yogurt day soon or something, just to shock the system a little (the yogurt I buy is only 227cals per tub).

Jennifer Lawrence (plz ignore her face, lol). I want a body like that.

Tue. January 1 - 2013 Goals/To Do List

1) Read 6 books
2) Lose 30lbs (from today)
3) Get a new job
4) Go to the gym at least twice a week
5) Get 4 new tattoos
6) Procrastinate less
7) Keep my room clean and organized
8) Bench press 150lbs (I can currently do 115)
9) Have $10,000 in my RSP by year end (currently over $6400)
10) Try to fall asleep and wake up at more reasonable times
11) Hang out with friends more
12) Shop (for clothing) less
13) Be able to do difficult-ish yoga poses and/or the splits.

Was trying to think of more, but this is probably gonna keep me busy enough. And 13 goals in 2013 sounds ok. :)

Sorry, sorry, thought of a few more. lol
14) Run at least two 5Ks
15) Do the stair climb at the CN Tower in April
16) Drink about 2L of water a day

I love you, JK Rowling. lol

Sun. December 30

As fascinating/interesting as "before and after" weight loss pix are to me, I know that that could never be me. At least, to the extent that most of the pix are.

I have no idea how girls can go from like 275lbs to like 120. I mean, it's not like I actually don't understand, I just can't wrap my mind around it cuz there's no way in hell I could get down to that weight. Honestly, my goal weight would be in the 150's (and I feel like that number isn't giving too much away in regards to my actual weight right now). But short of cancer, anorexia or surgery, I could NEVER get down that low. And I accept that, I'm not bitching here or anything. I just know my limitations. I also know that I'm stronger than I look, so I'm sure a fair percentage of my weight is muscle. I also suspect that I am legit big boned. And that's not an excuse. It just seems that based on the width of my wrist bone(s) and ribcage, I may have a larger skeletal structure than most women. I dunno. I might bring this up with my doctor next time I see her.
 
Anyway, on to other things. I bought (another) 4 half price chocolate oranges and a 400g chocolate almond bar. However, I have not touched them. A friend shared a little of his chocolate with me this weekend and there have been a couple trips to Tim Horton's for cookies, but I didn't have any of the other stuff even though I wanted it. Baby steps, I guess. I'm just gonna add them to my goodie hoard and try to forget about it til after Cuba.

Also, as much as I don't like to "follow the crowd", I'm definitely gonna need to get it together after New Years. Gotta schedule in a good amount of work outs, eat more fruits and veggies and try to "cheat" less. I've been trying to make small improvements this weekend, but come Tuesday morning, I gotta go all or nothing. Maybe I'll even take a "before" pic in a bikini... even though I'll never share it with anyone. haha

Ok, that's all. Maybe I'll go compile a 2013 Goal/To Do list and post it later. Later peoples. : )

I could totally live with this.

Wed. December 26

Gonna keep this short, cuz I'm kinda tired but I just wanted to check in.

So, I'm not gonna try to name off every last thing that I ate, but wasn't good. Went to Mandarin on Monday, but didn't get as full as I usually do. I didn't eat any less than I usually do though. Had some sweets at my Oma's afterwards. Snacked on cookies, chocolate, chocolate covered caramel corn and whatnot on XMas day before the actual dinner (where I only had one plate of turkey, potatoes, peas and gravy) followed by cake and more goodies. And then I started today with cookies and chocolate, had all you can eat ribs (which was my only proper "meal" of the day) and had a little more cookies and chocolate.

I haven't weighed myself in a few days and I'm a little scared to. May just bite the bullet and do it tomorrow, but I may also wait til January. lol

Honestly, right now I could totally go for a big glass of water and some hearty chicken soup or something like that. I can't wait to get back to eating "normally". I haven't been feeling like crap, per se, but I know I'm not up to par. On top of which Cuba is the next big "event" coming up and I swear to God I am not walking around in a bikini like the fat piece of shit I am right now.

Anyway, bed time now. Still trying to catch up for the sleep I've missed out on for the last couple nights.

Sat. December 15

I don't want to use the word depressed cuz I feel that's a kind of severe word for the situation, but that's sorta how I feel.

A friend is having a small BDay party in Barrie and I'm not there. It's not that I'm busy or whatever, it's just all the way in Barrie. Now, if I could drive myself, I'd totally make the trip, but I can't and I feel really guilty asking my dad to take basically 4 hours out of his time when he's already got enough on his plate with XMas and whatnot. I also have another friend whom I kinda have plans with and whom I'd like to think would miss me if we weren't hanging out for the rest of the night but, honestly, he probably couldn't care less. I really wanted to go though and I'm bordering on tears, but this is the decision I've made and I'm gonna have to live with it.

On the food forefront, I'm not particularly hungry, but I dunno if this emotion is going to make me want to eat to feel better or if I'm gonna lose my appetite for the rest of the evening. I kinda feel like I won't eat much else tonight, which is probably for best cuz all I've had to eat is crap. On top of which, I hardly went to the gym this past week and with about 60 days til Cuba, I've actually put weight on.

I know that this is just a small portion of today and I'll get over this feeling, but it's tiny moments like these where I feel it's good that I have family whom I know would miss me and that I can't wait to eventually become a mom. Otherwise, I see little to no point of me actually being "here". No reason to get worried or anything though. Like I said, this is all temporary. Just little things I think about.