Wed. June 19

Feeling really blah right now. Both physically and motivationally.

I hadn't weighed myself in a bit, but I figured I was probably doing alright. So, I weighed myself yesterday and NOPE. I've put on at least a few pounds. Now, maybe some of that was a little water weight or whatever, but that fact that I couldn't even maintain my weight for like a week is pretty shitty. On top of that, this morning for breakfast, I had ribs, rice with soya sauce, and a bunch of chocolate. : /

Why can't weight loss be 20% eating and 80% working out? I'd be in such good shape by now. I just... I can't even put it into words. I'm so pissed off at myself, at science, at facts, at my ability to lose weight cuz of my gender. Some days, I really wish I had the discipline to be anorexic or I wasn't so terrified of throwing up and then I could be bulimic. It's so much easier to recover from those than it is to lose weight when you're already fat.

*bangs head on wall*

Anyway, I've already gone swimming twice this week, so I've made decent use of my splash pass. I went to the gym on Monday (ran 2.61 miles in 30 mins) and skipped last night, but I'll be going tonight and tomorrow. Just gonna try to get back on track with my eating. I've been meaning to make a list of healthy, low-cal meals from me to choose from to make meal planning easier. Maybe I'll make that a priority on the weekend. So, ya. Gonna go get ready for work now.
 
Bye

Dare to dream.

Tue. June 11

So many things I wanted to say earlier and now I'm sort of drawing a blank.

Ok, I'll talk about my workout from yesterday, but keep it sorta brief. I was able to run at about the same speed and time and all that, but I think I got like 0.015 miles further than last time, so I guess that's something. lol. There was like 2 or 3 times that I sorta felt a little like throwing up. I know people say it's not such a big deal if you do, and whatever and I know I would've had time to get to a garbage bin and I wouldn't even be embarrassed, I just HATE the feeling of wanting to throw up and actually throwing up. I know no one likes it, but to me, it feels like a phobia. Also, the feeling of having no control and just heaving and not knowing when it'll stop and trying to catch my breath between heaves, it just sucks. But ya, I was able to keep my stomach under control, but I was mentally feeling kind of out of it. Like, I was doing stuff I wasn't used to and my sweat kept making my vision blurry for almost the whole work out. I still burned a shit ton of cals though, so I guess I can't complain.

Ok, so one thing I have been thinking about is maybe starting to buy my lunches at work again. I know it's better to bring healthy stuff instead of eating fast food, but sometimes the healthier stuff isn't that cheap. I did the math and I can get a 350 cal burger for $1.09 with my discount. I realize there's a bunch of pros and cons to this, but the value is fairly decent. Compare that to an entire container of yogurt (227cals) for $1.99 on sale (normally $2.97). I do realize that there is stuff I can buy and bring with me that is both cheap and healthy, but I might try this for a week see how it goes. On the other hand, since my restaurant has been open 24 hours for the past week or so, I haven't had any McD's at all since I can't take home the leftovers when we close. I'm not like "addicted" to the food, so this isn't a big deal. It's just another thing to be considered. lol

Anyway, just chilling out right now before I head to the gym in a bit. Tata

If this is real, it could be a game changer.

Sun. June 9

Another entry where I don't really know how to start it.

I guess I'll start with a Ke$ha report. I don't wanna complain cuz I do really like her, but the whole meet and greet was a bit of a let down. Without going into detail too much, there was something missing from the SWAG bag that we were promised would be delivered to everyone's houses (I'll give it a few days and then try to contact someone), the food at the party was lack luster (chips and condiments and mini pitas with shitty humus), I was probably got to meet her for like 30 seconds, tops and it was chilly as balls (but I guess that's not really anyone's fault). Oh, and she was the 2nd last performer; Pitbull was the first. So, on the plus side, that meant I could leave earlier. I didn't end up going to the gym that night. I was tired and cold and just spent my time cleaning my room and then went to bed.

I was able to run for 30 mins straight starting at 5mph and ending at 5.2. Can't complain about that, but my eating is still pretty bad. I have a lot of yogurt to get through before it goes bad next month, so maybe I'll do a yogurt day sometime next week.

Um... ya.. that's all I've got to say right now. The weight loss pressure is kind of off, but I'm still gonna try really hard to make it to the gym as much as possible next week. Perhaps I've started a habit?

Ke$ha and me : )

Sun. June 2

Probably should've updated days ago, but I'm lazy. Sue me. lol

Ok, so, my Wed and Thu night workouts were both over 1h45m long. I burned over 1000 cals both night as well. And did 30 mins of running and stairclimbing each both nights. Pretty proud of that. On top, I was able to push myself to do 30 mins of running before work on Friday. It was at a slightly slower pace, but still. Oh, and this happened too... (I'll just copy/paste what I wrote on FB as opposed to typing it out again, lol)

"So, me and a guy at the gym decide to share the bench pressing bench/equipment. He goes first. Puts two 25lb weights on 45lb barbell and does his set. He gets up and starts removing the 25's for me and I say "no, no, leave them" and then ADD another 25lb weight to EACH side. The look on his face. Ha!"

Anyway, like usual, I'm being pretty inactive this weekend. I picked up some apple sauce and cucumbers to add to my big collection of yogurt for meals and snacks next week. And I picked up my "splash pass" so I can go swimming a lot this summer. :)

So, the week at a glance will be interesting. Really gonna try to buckle down and get some good results. My work schedule looks like it'll allow for 4 days at the gym, but I can probably stretch those into 1.5 or 2 hour sessions (not including the walks there and back). And then Ke$ha is on Wednesday. At this point, my goal for that is to not look bloated and disgusting, but I think I can pull it off. lol. Honestly, the only thing that's really depressing me about her show is that she's only gonna be performing 12 songs. :/ Hopefully the next time she comes, she'll have time to do more. *mumbles*stupid Pitbull*mumble*

Alrighty, I'm gonna see if I can bring myself to make a decent meal plan for next week, so I'm not just eating whatever and can keep an eye on my calories. Laterz.

From the last 3 Halloweens. Hoping to be a lot smaller this year.

Tue. May 28

Just another short entry.

I sorta feel like I've thrown in the towel when it comes to my weight. I'm not like giving up and eating everything in site, but I seem to be a little better at shrugging it off lately. Especially since I know there's basically no way in hell of me dropping basically 20lbs in a week. So, I've just been focusing on how I look and feel for the most part. I'm hoping things will kinda fall into place and eventually the numbers on the scale will what I want to see.

Had a good work out last night and tonight. Ran consistently for 30 mins both nights. Hoping to get to the gym tomorrow and Thursday and then try to get a 30 min run in before work. That'd be nice. Honestly, I just need to clean up my eating and I should start seeing better results.

Pic from last weekend. Feeling good and loving my shirt. :)

Fri. May 24

Not even sure what I want my opening line to be.

Ok, so, I haven't been eating great, I only got to the gym twice this week and I actually ended up with heartburn a couple times this week. That being said, I feel a little smaller. Some of my tighter clothing has been... well, not fitting fine, but noticeably less tight. I guess that really proves you can't go by the weight, you need to go by the inches. I've actually been considering only weighing myself on days when I'm feeling good physically. Not if I'm bloated or maybe had a bad binge the night before or if I'm really sore (and therefore retaining water) from the gym.

Anyway, next week I have a fairly busy work schedule, but I'll still be doing my best to work out as much as I can. Still gonna be working on my 5K endurance, lifting heavy and hoping to up my bench pressing weight soon. I've also JUST started watching The Biggest Loser from the very beginning. I'm on episode 4 of season 1 and so far, I think I can get into this. I'm still waiting for something super inspirational to jump out and bite me, but I do feel slightly more knowledgeable about weight loss and calories and all that good stuff.

Oh, and short story about yogurt being on sale this week. Was $1.99 instead of $1, but anything is better than full price. Went to my local grocery store and all they had was plain and vanilla. Barf. So, my dad offered to take me to the next closest store in that chain and see if they had more selection. They did, but only had 4 blueberry left, so I snatched those bad boys up. lol. I was really tempted to ask if they had more in the back, but we were on a bit of a time crunch, so I'll trying going back in a day or so to see if I can grab more.

Alrighty, that's all. Gonna get back to watching TBL now. : ) 

Basically

Wed. May 22

Gonna keep this short and sweet cuz I'm worn out.

I was finally able to (just barely) get into the next lower weight bracket that I was aiming for, but it didn't last long. The weekend wasn't good for me food-wise and that's kinda carried over into this week. I don't wanna say I've been binging (cuz I haven't really), I've just not been making good food choices for meals and snacks. So, I have put a little weight back on, but I'm trying to "pull up my socks" and really get my ass in gear. My Ke$ha meet and greet is in 2 weeks. At this point, I'd settle for just getting back into that lower weight bracket. At least I know I can do it now. That plateau felt like forever.

Anyway, I increased my squat weight by a little tonight and I did 26 mins of constant running at 4.6mph. Everything felt fine except for after a few mins, my lower left calf got really tight for some reason, but I pushed through and I'm glad I did. : )

K, that's it. Looks like yogurt is on sale at a local grocery store again. Huzzah! lol