Wed. June 19

Feeling really blah right now. Both physically and motivationally.

I hadn't weighed myself in a bit, but I figured I was probably doing alright. So, I weighed myself yesterday and NOPE. I've put on at least a few pounds. Now, maybe some of that was a little water weight or whatever, but that fact that I couldn't even maintain my weight for like a week is pretty shitty. On top of that, this morning for breakfast, I had ribs, rice with soya sauce, and a bunch of chocolate. : /

Why can't weight loss be 20% eating and 80% working out? I'd be in such good shape by now. I just... I can't even put it into words. I'm so pissed off at myself, at science, at facts, at my ability to lose weight cuz of my gender. Some days, I really wish I had the discipline to be anorexic or I wasn't so terrified of throwing up and then I could be bulimic. It's so much easier to recover from those than it is to lose weight when you're already fat.

*bangs head on wall*

Anyway, I've already gone swimming twice this week, so I've made decent use of my splash pass. I went to the gym on Monday (ran 2.61 miles in 30 mins) and skipped last night, but I'll be going tonight and tomorrow. Just gonna try to get back on track with my eating. I've been meaning to make a list of healthy, low-cal meals from me to choose from to make meal planning easier. Maybe I'll make that a priority on the weekend. So, ya. Gonna go get ready for work now.
 
Bye

Dare to dream.